A dear friend gave me "The Magicians Assistant" by Anne Patchett because it was one of her favorite reads, making it a perfect addition to my Cinquenta List.
I found the book to be sad on many levels, but beneath the mournful undertones, Patchett shows us how we can find our way to happiness. The main character, Sabine worked and was in love with Parsifal the Magician for twenty years. He finally married her after his partner, Phan succumbed to AIDS. How tragic to be in love with someone who can't return the feelings. Add to that the obvious physical non-attraction and well.....even a bigger waste! Yet, this pseudo-marriage seemed to work for the both of them. Soon after the wedding, however, Parsifal dies, leaving the beautiful Sabine alone and devastated.
For those who haven't experienced absolute heartache, Patchett's writing gives you a snapshot of what that intense loss feels like. You writhe in pain, you feel profound emptiness physically and emotionally, and the grief consumes you to the point of suffocation. Sabine's anguish is so intense, I found myself experiencing sympathy pains, treading heavily in her abyss of despair. I too wanted to crawl into bed and stay there until the end of time. I too, lost my appetite. I too felt hollow. In this book, the story line wasn't the star of the show, it was the beautiful insights on mourning and recovery that blew me away. I'm not a masochist I swear, but the read brought me "there" and "back" and I loved that experience.
The journey starts for Sabine, who in the throes of grief, discovers that her beloved Parisfal kept secret a past that just didn't match up to the man she knew and loved. Initially I thought this betrayal would be the final blow for Sabine, but instead, the discovery of the Magician's family, (his mom and sisters, not sired kids from days of yore!) was the "magic" she needed to connect the dots and rejoin the living.
The Magician Assistant also makes you evaluate how deeply your past shapes your present. It tells the story of someone who reconstructed his childhood to cut himself completely from it, to escape it. It made me wonder how many friends I have, people I know who have severed their pasts to forge an adulthood that does not reflect the mess they left behind. What causes that flight? A cruel mother or father? An unspeakable act? A shameful mistake? A cultural or religious divide?
My friend who gave me this book is a fireball. Full of spunk and vigor. Empathetic like you wouldn't believe. Passionate to the core. Whenever I picture her face in my mind's eye, I see a big, wild, unabashed SMILE. This image fills me with JOY, as does basically every moment I spend with her.
The Magician's Assistant has made me think about my friend and her childhood. And I marvel some more. How did this vibrant, bubbly incredible wife, mother, sister and friend turn out the way she did? She is the opposite of the woman who raised her. Admittedly, I don't know the intimate details of my friend's relationship with her mother, but I do know that because of it, her approach to life was self-shaped, and with purpose, she drove it in an opposite direction from her mom. It wasn't by chance that my friend is this bundle of energy and optimism. It was by design, a way to break free from the negativity that plagued and tainted her mother's own life.
Like Parsifal, my friend masterfully designed a happy and adventurous life for herself. She hasn't had to hide her past the way Patchett's Magician did, but she did pull a rabbit out of a hat by becoming the spirited woman she is today, and Lord, that's a really good thing because she brings so much joy to those around her! Had she not gotten into the driver's seat of life, I fear that she may not have been able to pull off such a huge trick. I'm selfishly thrilled she did.
Love you baby!
