Shortly after we got married, Jeff and I bought our first road bikes. Since those early days, we accumulated lots more cycling stuff, the most notable acquisition was our tandem, a bicycle built for two, which Jeff bought right before we moved to California. I was 8 months pregnant at the time and not happy with my husband for adding one more expensive contraption to our ever-expanding garage. In retrospect, I now can recognize I just wasn't in a place to appreciate the brilliance of the purchase.
We've been riding together for 25 years and the majority of our cycling has taken place on that very tandem. Whether on century rides, excursions with the kids, an adventure in Spain, or a quick jaunt on the weekend, we've pedaled through miles and miles of beautiful terrain, up long and arduous hills, through sunshine, clouds and rain, and stunning views and vistas. Sometimes the ride is simply about enjoying spectacular California weather. Others, it's about getting in shape. Or, it's about competition, beating someone who has had the nerve to pass us. And, there are days when our biking is just an exercise of recovery -- from either a stressful week or too much fun the night before.
I love tandem talk. It's the language of riding and in a way, our marriage:
- PUSH! This means something hard is coming up and we have to tackle the challenge together. I grit my teeth, clamp my eyes shut, and will my muscles to keep up with my husband. I'm dreading the hairy task at hand, but knowing I'm tackling it with my partner, I'm confident I can take on the climb. We've had our share of scary hills to conquer in life, but we do our best work when we PUSH together.
- RECOVER! This means we've made it through the tough stuff and have earned a reprieve. We strive to regulate our breathing, let our bodies rest and it's then that I can pick up my head and take in the beauty around me. It's quiet and we're both absorbed in our own thoughts and reflections. You need periods of recovery, particularly after a slog to appreciate what you've accomplished and to prepare for what lies ahead.
- WHERE ARE YOU? This means I eased up too soon. I stopped focusing and wasn't holding up my end of the task. Sometimes it infuriates me to get scolded for slacking off, but it's only fair to get called out for not being there for my partner. On a tandem, both riders have to share in the work. Why should one have to do all the heavy lifting?
- I'VE GOT IT. There are times, usually late in a long or intense ride, when I just can't do my share. I'm spent. The words, "don't worry, I've got it" make me melt with appreciation. Beyond the bike, it's easy to appreciate that kind of "of course" support from your spouse.
- COAST. This is different than RECOVER. This is a way for Jeff to tell me to fall in line with his cycling cadence, to make sure we're working in alignment. If I push to pedal when he's not, well, that's not good. I see our flattened bodies on the road as I type this! In marriage, you have to be in sync. The “coasting” fosters harmony and contentment more than safety, but it’s a valid relationship tenet all the same.
- NICE AND EASY. This is a declaration that we're simply heading out to enjoy the ride and that we won't inflict hardcore distance, racing or hills into the outing. There are days when taking it easy is just what you need. No pressure. No stress. No challenge. On a tandem, at work, with the family, in life, ahhhhh, I do enjoy those periods of NICE AND EASY.
- A PIERCING WHISTLE. That terse sound is coming from Jeff out of the blue and startles me to attention, but more importantly, it alerts an oblivious driver or rider that we're there. It shouts out authoritatively, "don't crash into us!" and captures my husband's spot-on protective instincts on which I have had the good fortune to rely throughout my married life. Jeff's whistle from the bike is for me the sound of safety, security and peace of mind.
As corny an analogy as it is, marriage is a lot like our bike rides. It's about partnership, through and through. You work in sync, yet each rider has to contribute individually. You push each other up a monster hill and rejoice after the excruciating climb. During the long, monotonous stretches, you keep each other entertained or focused on the end-goal. Occasionally, you have to needle your partner to keep going, or cheer her on. There are times when one of you struggles. There are others when you're both on fire. You breeze through beautiful and you power through butt ugly. Together, you get stronger. The glorious thing is no matter what, you're doing it all --- in tandem. I love that.
Happy Anniversary Jeffrey.
