I was trying to connect the story line back to Judy so that I could write about "A Tree...." in a way that "shouts out" to a great friend, but I've been struggling with the task. I finished the book a few months ago and was about to give up writing about it in my blog for the lack of that tie, when lo and behold, just this week after a bike ride with Judy I found the connection I was searching for.
Judy and I have a lot in common -- which explains why we're such close friends. We're both east coast transplants, we've got the same family make up, a son and two daughters (our 21 year old girls have been close friends since they were 4), we're in mixed marriages (one Jew, one Catholic), and we've both juggled work and parenthood since .....we started having kids. Throughout my life in California, I've turned to my west coast sister for advice, counsel and a shoulder to cry on. Love her!
We try to meet a few times a month for an early morning bike ride. We beat the traffic and the heat and head to the hills at 6:45 and to the chagrin of our safety-obsessed husbands, we chat incessantly throughout the 60 plus minutes we share together. We compare notes about work. We worry about our children. We share recipes and shopping finds. And, we confide in each other. From Judy, I know that I'll always get a thoughtful response to any problem I'm facing. When we part ways at the end of the ride, I head home happy and uplifted.
Yesterday we were talking about our children. As we covered the issue at hand, I realized that there's an undeniable truth about family dynamics -- there's simply a DNA connection that you cannot escape and it defines who you are and how you operate. In "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn", as a little girl, Francie gravitates towards her father for love and support, because he's warmer and more approachable than her hardworking mom. She identifies with his compassion and kindness. But, it's when Francie sets out to leave Brooklyn as a young woman that she recognizes in herself, the attributes she inherited from her mother.... her discipline, focus and determination. She's comforted by the realization that she's a true by-product of both her parents.
Judy's got two kids that are through and through just like her.. they problem-solve like Judy, they set objectives like Judy, they calculate risks like Judy, and their goals are similar to hers. Judy's third, much like my youngest, is more spirited and carefree. These girls march to the beat of different drummer. Judy's Alex is, I think, in many ways, very much like her her aunt and grandmother, creatives to the core. In the case of my daughter, Audrey is a fiery and confident version of my outgoing and social mother-in-law. We both are in awe of our daughters' potential. They have attributes we both wish we had. It's a blast and a challenge to parent these children. In some cases you can soooo relate to them and in others, because the DNA pull is from the other side of the family tree -- you feel like you're lacking the perspective to get it right. I realize that this dilemma has been going on since the beginning of time.....but when you're living and breathing it yourself...it's (to quote the Wizard of Oz), a horse of a different color!
Ultimately, this is how I see it: like Francie in "A Tree Grows in Brooklyn", our children will leave the nest armed with the important life skills we've conscientiously worked to provide them. They will know that they are loved like mad. And thanks to their unique DNA make-ups, they'll inject far more pizazz in their adventures than we ever could have fathomed. They, like Francie will be able to connect the dots -- recognizing how and who they came to be by reflecting on their family -- and their genetic ties to it. Hopefully, they'll be pleased with the connection. I think they will be.
