Advice for Tackling Anxieties or Just the Task at Hand: Bird by Bird.

I admit that I'm one who periodically spirals into panic, overwhelmed with the stupid trivial details of  life, like...how can I pick up the dry cleaning, complete something big and hairy for work,  get to a soccer game, see a friend, exercise, walk the dog,  run to the grocery store,  shoot off some critical emails, catch up with my kids and husband,  and not collapse before dinner.  The anxiety of course rears its head over big Mother problems too -- the things over which I absolutely cannot control.  What can set me off?  The shitty economy, crappy political issues,  the state of our schools, cancer messing with my friend or more personal traumas like trying to  protect my children from harm or heartache, as if I can make a difference in say, Bobby's law school applications or Audrey's success in her SAT's.  

I escape from these periods of dread and worry by sipping wine, lots of it at times, soaking in a hot bath, and then burying myself under the covers, to sleep away the uglies.   I sigh beneath that comforter, just as I am about to "go under", content that I've successfully exorcised the worry demons.  It's a short-lived victory as more often than not, I end up bolting up wide awake  in the  middle of the night,  after just a few hours of  sleep.  This can never be good for many reasons the least of which is that it is in the wee hours of the night when I invariably conjure up even more problems over which I then obsess.  From one challenge comes many, and then more and more and more until I feel BURIED.    Sound familiar?  Anyone?


I've learned to talk myself through the panic and force myself to focus on just one problem at a time.  Running helps me accomplish this.  Step by step, mile after mile I work to  come up with a  game plan to tackle my woes and by the time I hit the shower, my sense of nervous nausea is at bay.   Success!  That is, until a bump or two experienced in the course of the day drives me to end it, just like the previous one, sipping wine, in a bath, huddled up in bed before 9 pm.....and the scary cycle continues.  

This is why Anne Lamott's advice in her Bird by Bird was so compelling to me.  A colleague/friend gave it to me  for my birthday and I devoured it in one sitting.  Won't go into all the attributes of the book, but will share what's on its cover -- as the advice spoke to me and has been very helpful in taming my anxiety beasts!   

"Thirty years ago, my older brother, who was ten years old at the time, was trying to get a report on birds written that he had three months to write.  It was due the next day.  He was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books on birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead.  Then my father sat down beside him, put his arm around my brother's shoulder and said, "Bird by bird, buddy.  Just take it bird by bird."

I'm embracing the Bird by Bird philosophy.  While it was presented to help writers gain confidence in the task of crafting a moving tale, building believable characters, and finessing complex story lines, it has helped this non-writer tackle the complexities and mundane elements of life.   I've applied her thinking this  holiday season, year-end frenzy and tackling some crazy, crazy work to-do's going into January and I'm of all things....SLEEPING!  To me, that's all the proof I need.